Sex and porn addiction is a symptom of past trauma.

Sex and porn addiction is a symptom of past trauma.

This post talks about the role of trauma as a commonly occuring causal factor of addiction in my work with clients. usually a shock to clients, this idea is also reassuring as addicts come to understand that their out of control behaviours are a product of somehting that happened to them and not something wrong with them.  

My clients have been able to make a link between a traumatic event such as parental divorce when they were a child and their addictive behaviours as a result of therapy.  What links the event and the adult behaviours is the well-documented process whereby the addiction is a form of self-medicating against the ongoing symptoms of the trauma experience which have a tendency to ever-present if traumas are not addressed.  Common symptoms include anxiety or panic attacks, physical symptoms such as unexplained aches and pains, or a need to withdraw from normal social interactions.

Trauma experiences are typically 'pushed under the carpet' so that the victim learns it is normal not to talk about their painful experiences.   There is a story of a snake under a rug which just moves position when the lump is trodden down.  In other words, the trauma doesn't go away by itself, it just keeps making its presence known in a wide variety of symptoms.  To continue the metaphor of the snake, the rug needs lifting so the snake can escape. 

In other words the lid has to be taken off the trauma experiences so they can be tidied up or even dispensed with. Trauma experiences and memories of them are often thought of as being 'locked up' in the emotional part of the brain and therefore requiring unlocking, 'digesting' or processing. Some treatments, such as EMDR which I use, work on the symptoms and not the trauma memories themselves so that there is no re-traumatising of my clients.

Traumas range from big 'T'' ones to small 't' ones.  Big T traumas are parental divorce, serious health issues and hospitalisations, abuse and neglect, unexpected or violent harm to or death of close ones or witnessing  such events.  Small traumas, which vary in their impact on people, can include bullying, minor accidents, unpleasant experiences at home, school or work, ending of relationships, redundancy or motor accidents.  Often, addicts have experienced several unrelated traumatic events or sustained traumatising periods in their lives.  Unresolved past traumas form the lower levels of later trauma and symptoms will ofetn be more complex and intense as a result.

Many of my clients have been so effective at pushing their trauma experiences under the carpet that they say they haven't had any.  It turns out in many cases that there have been difficult experiences but they don't come back into full awareness until the 3rd or 4th session! 

The lesson here is to acknowledge trauma experiences and to examine the likely impact on your emotional, psychological and physiological health and if necessary seek support aimed at processing the trauma memories so their impact is lessened or eradicated.

An example for illustration is about a 45 year old porn addict who identifies through discussions with me that he was sexually abused by an older cousin over a number of years when he was around the age of 8-11.  This abuse gave rise to a number of conflicting emotions such as pleasure, confusion, shame and also led to distortions about relationships and sex whilst generating high levels of insecurity and mistrust.  So whilst the trauma was many years ago, the client was still living the effects of the experience in his current relationships including anxiety around sex and the trusting of others leading to social isolation.

Trauma can be processed using several methods.  As well as talk therapy and cognitive approaches the use of EMDR has been found to be particularly effective in as few as 2 or 3 sessions.  This option is available at Esteem Therapy Yorkshire.